Trust in the Lord with all your heart. With all your soul and with all your might.
It’s Saturday morning at 8 am and my husband and I had an hour of God time and breakfast and then he shot out of the door to his life and I can’t be with him. This is nothing new, in fact in the 23 years of marriage most of those minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and yes years, we have been apart. At first it was because he was a truck driver and he had to go on the road. Then he was a construction worker and his jobs took him hours away for the week and then back home some weekends (others he was forced to stay and work overtime) Now he owns his own business as a handy man service and he is gone from 8am to 7pm most days of the week. He loves his work and his clients and I am happy he found his niche. I am however sitting in my beautiful cottage on the mountainside alone in pain most days. I have always had a struggle to go anywhere as I have a brain injury that makes driving tough and I am sensitive to the chemicals (most especially herbicides and pesticides) which drift and float on the air most days (especially in spring and summer) dyer sheets, perfume on peeps…the truth is to be with people I pay a high price. Yet I am a people person. This morning I realized we have lived on this mountain for 5 years. Wow. In those 5 years I have grown much older. I have lost many friends and loved ones. My neighbors on either side of us are NOT friendly. The neighbors I thought were friends turned on me (One said because I asked her to not wear patchouli when she came to my house) Our immediate families are distant. Life has taken me for a ride that I never imagined I might have. To make matters worse I fell..hard 6 weeks ago and I am unable to walk very well at all. I am in a soft cast, on crutches or on a scooter with support hose (Yea sexy). I look in the mirror and I see a very exhausted, depleted woman. Today my husband will be doing a Warrior dash with hundreds of people on the Air Force academy grounds and I will be sitting here again, alone in pain and wondering where God might be in the midst of all of this. I do have some praise to report, the beautiful birds are back singing to me, I have one lovely neighbor friend who has been very supportive of me and I have found NetFlix to be a great way to pass the hours. The Lord God is the same yesterday, today and forever more. I am the changing mercury in centigrade. So here is my coping list while waiting
- Be aware of your blessings apart from your pain. My blessings are my home, the forest, the skies, the birds, my dogs, my two or three friends, my dad, prayers, hot water, ice packs, Dr’s, words on a page, prayer sites, the bible, coloring books, spring weather and fish soup.
- Breathing in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4 and release through your mouth for a count of 8. It relaxes the nervous system
- Bathing in minerals and clay and essential oils will help relax the systems.
- Write out your feelings on paper
- Pet your furry friends
- Document your life, either with photos or words, it will help you keep perspective
- Get a massage to help ground you while you wait
- Find online friends or bible studies or support groups while you heal
- Try to serve your fellow man every single day.
Every day we have a choice to be bitter or better, to be self centered or outward focused, to be whiny or to be content. We can chose trust over worry, we can chose gratitude over lack. Is it easy? Not at all, but it is possible. With God all things are possible.
So I will watch the world pass me by today on the outside, but on the inside I will know that God is working it all out for my good. It’s what I cling to, no matter the 40 years of waiting for his hand to move. I still believe.