Mister and my lost heart

It’s been a day of heartache. A “friend” for whom I prepared a birthday celebration of home made cookies, flowers and a hand painted card, after making arrangements in advance for our time together, texted me 15 minutes prior to the time and said it would be “a bit before she could make it.” When I inquired how much longer she stated she didn’t know, she was helping her husband with paperwork and couldn’t leave until he left. She said if I needed to go about my day she understood. Well I didn’t understand. I am very tired of mixed signals, indifference and chasing people to try and bless them. I told her I was sorry but I was going. She texted Okay, have a nice day…yeah, you too.

I then wrote a blog encouraging people to call the White House and leave a comment on the comment line (As Trump has stated he “doesn’t hear from very many people”) to which I am going to say “Really? Maybe it’s because you have closed the comment line in the White House.” Upon hearing the recording about contacting the White House on social media or by email, I just about came uncorked. WTH is wrong with you? Running a country is NOT for social media, I don’t want to have to “LIKE” you to communicate with you because in fact I don’t like you Mr President. I don’t want you to get the satisfaction of another “Like” from the millions of us who don’t (like you I mean.)

So I went for a walk, in 60 mph wind gusts (which almost blew my 98 pound frame flat on the ground) Oh and it was almost 70 degrees and it’s February, but hey, there is NO such thing as global warming right?

Tonight the final blow is Mister (my 2 year old dog) for whom I have bottle fed, saved him from chocking,, called the poison control people about 5 times (they knew him by name) raced against time to an emergency vet after being told I had “20 minutes before he lost kidney function” due to eating a box of raisins . I raced him from one vet clinic to another, crying while they said they didn’t treat emergencies and I had to find an emergency clinic. When I finally found one @ 30 minutes and counting I ran in and said “raisins” they grabbed him and raced back, pumped his stomach, induced vomiting, gave him charcoal and IV fluids and took vitals while I crumpled to the floor balling my eyes out and ready to give him away. (I am digressing in the story as he was fine, me however never fully recovered) Tonight he is absent in every way to me. He is hanging with his “father”, who never feeds him or takes him for walks or calls poison control or bottle fed him. No, he wrestles with him and tells him no a lot which must be what Mister loves because my husband can do no wrong in Misters eyes. I, on the other hand, am chopped liver (well maybe not chopped liver because if I truly was that he would love me and be my best friend) so I must be more like( actually I can’t think of a thing he doesn’t like to eat, including poop and wood and paper and books.)  So the food analogy and me is not going to work. All I know is when he lays in front of any door my husband has gone through and shut, while I am right there, arms wide open, he just looks at me with sad eyes and won’t come to me, it breaks my heart. Over and over the indifference to me, to us.

So I went into the room and began to watch the evening news,(what the heck was I thinking? That this might make me feel better?) between Trump and the deportation of a young mother and the new secretary of Education and watching Mister lay in front of the bathroom door,( feeling a bit broken over my husbands indifference,) suddenly on my screen are over four hundred whales that have beached themselves and are dying. It suddenly became too much. I just can’t take any more. The losses are piling and I am feeling very helpless to change anything. We are only 4 weeks into this new President’s agenda and I am feeling so bewildered and brokenhearted, sometimes I catch myself holding my breath, other times I walk in 60 mile per hour winds screaming out my frustrations and I wonder how am I going to get through 4 years of this? Tonight the realization that in the past, whenever I was in deep sorrow or pain, I would have a beautiful fur baby friend who always comforted me. Not this time, not with my  Mister.


5 thoughts on “Mister and my lost heart

  1. You’re breaking MY heart! I don’t know much about animals, but I know that my sister’s dog (for whom she does nearly everything) treats her husband like the Alpha and responds to him over her. And one of our cats has chosen me as his person even though I don’t particularly like cats (and am so allergic I can’t have them in the house or even pet them much). I don’t think they respond to logic :-)… But I’m sorry it’s so sad for you. During all the crud going on right now, it’s hard to keep ourselves from getting totally bogged down in despair and you’re feeling it all right now. I’m sorry your friend had no idea how much effort you’d put forth. I’m sorry I’m not there to help you eat those cookies :-)… but know that you are loved, anyway, and please take care of yourself. I worry about you. Hang in there. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julia Boucher says:

    I am So sorry.. Please remember that Jesus is still king!! I find JOY in knowing that the Bible has told us all the bad stuff that will happen.. We are living the beginning .. I believe that.. But as Believers in Christ, we can find joy.. we just have to look..
    But it is hard somedays.. I get it.. Praying for your joy.


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