So This is Christmas

It’s brown this year and I want to feel something

What I feel this year is a coat around my soul, muffling my joy.

I remember you here before, with your fancy dishes and your red nails

I remember you here before, with your laughter and your sweater smelling of smoke

I remember the child I longed for opening a present and his eyes danced

I remember the dream of one day being a family, so that this hole in my heart would find home

I remember thinking next year would be better

and the turkey was moist and tender

I remember the pile of money in the bag

and the homeless ones


I remember my never ending desire to do something great for God on Christmas morning, so we put on a Santa Hat and delivered goodies and sat with tears, and held some hands and said some prayers. In my pink sweater on Christmas morning

So this is Christmas

I awaken with some sort of cloud hanging over me, grey as the morning sky, brown as the grass. Some of my beloved’s are still here and I must cling to that. I must cling to what remains and not what has gone. I must know that those who have left us are hanging with the reason we celebrate Christmas down here. Probably dancing with the “Great I AM.” I must get a grip, I must get a handle…yank the poor me syndrome out and fling it over the mountains edge, where one of them lays, beneath a grave marked “Beloved.”

So this is Christmas

I will put on the turkey and step under the mistletoe and ask for a kiss.

I will hug the ones left

Shed a tear for those gone

And wait for the Silent Night to heal another inch of my soul.



4 thoughts on “So This is Christmas

  1. drkevinmcafee says:

    A beautiful sonnet of winter and family during the nestled holiday surrounding His birth. We pray you and yours have the BEST Christmas ever. Sorry we are no longer on FB, but due to identity theft the only way to connect is through email or the V300! God bless you and keep inspiring….

    Liked by 1 person

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