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When do we talk about it?

I have noticed these past two days that in our home we are the walking wounded. We are all raw nerves and little grace. There is a heaviness hanging over our”little slice of heaven” There has been an onslaught of trauma and stress, one defining moment after another. My husbands mom was hospitalized with kidney and heart failure, my dad is recovering from a near death septic infection, My Uncle John died yesterday, taxes are due and we are scrambling to find the money, the tenants have let us down with their care of our home, I am fighting an ulcer( can’t eat very well) and my husband has been diagnosed PTSD (Can’t sleep very well), which can make home life pretty stressful. Then the Orlando shooting, the death of a young singer from The Voice, all of them gunned down, without warning, random acts of violence with guns and evil hatred within the hearts of the gunmen. Then there is the Political race, with two people who I do NOT trust in any way shape or form. Oh and did I mention our neighbors smoke outside and I (being allergic to cigarette smoke) have to live much of my days inside to avoid getting sick. I am an outdoor girl and it’s summer so I want to be in the garden. I am stressed and saddened by all of this. Mother Teresa said it well “If we forget we belong to one another…”

This is a rambling paragraph because my mind is rambling on and on about the issues we avoid talking about because we A) either don’t know what to say or B) we are trying to not offend someone else or C) we can’t believe the way we are thinking or feeling about a certain subject and we are praying it will pass before we same something we will regret. D) we are on our last nerve

I for one am pissed. OK, I said it! I am angry. Let me start with the neighbor issue, Why are their rights to smoke trumping my rights to breathe fresh air?  Who’s freedom is more important? Their choice to trash their health or my rights to NOT have their decisions trash my health?

I am really angry about guns and the evil people who have access to them. The NRA says we have the right to bear arms based on the Constitution. I agree with this, but I hate guns. I am completely uncomfortable around them, feel threatened when I see one and generally am a hippie about this.”Make love not war.” makes a LOT of sense to me. I am a mass of contradiction about this issue and I know I will hear from both sides about this. I am the same way about abortion rights. I have had abortions and they scarred me and broke me and I have never recovered from them. I think it is the WRONG choice. Let me be clear about that. I do believe in the sanctity of life, but at the age of teenage decision-making and after a rape with the pregnancy threatening my life some choices were made. Am I forgiven by a loving GOD, yes I am. (And so are you and you and you and you) BUT I am PRO-CHOICE. Always…forever. Because NO MAN or GOVERNMENT should control a woman’s body. It’s between a woman and her God. There I said it. I am also completely in the gutter about our choices for President. ARE YOU FREEKIN KIDDING ME? What the heck America? This is the best you can do? I feel sick to my stomach (there is that ulcer again) when I think of either of those two people being the leader of the free world. Both corrupt, both lying, cheating, wow I can’t believe a word you said (those kind of people). They do NOT stand for anything I stand for. They both frankly make me want to move away, far, far away. One of them sleeps with my enemy (Monsanto, Bayer, Johnson and Johnson) any chemical company willing to pay her way into the White house. The other opens his mouth and horror slides out, violence and deception with his tongue seems to follow him everywhere and deception is her middle name too. Perhaps that is a pre-requisite to becoming President. I don’t really know. I just know that I am really tired and sad and mad. It’s coming on summer, fourth of July, celebrating life in America and I am weary folks. Weary and heavy laden. So…I said it. I said what is laying me down at night in my soul and raising me up in the morning the moment I turn on the morning news. Life is surreal and I am trying to hold faith in something beautiful to come. In the meantime I ask that you have a time of “coming out” speak your truth to somebody, write it out on paper, shout it to the stars at night, on your knees to the Lord, speak it. All the pain, bewildering hurt, anger, questions. Get it OUT of you! It may help you lower your stress levels to have more kindness in your heart.It’s a piece of hope in the middle of the storms that are hitting all of us at this time. Speak it!

2 thoughts on “When do we talk about it?

  1. This is raw stuff and I appeciate you laying it out there. I have made some horrible mistakes . . .choices that affected others deeply. By the grace of God I am able to move forward. As for the troubles of this world, more and more I believe we need to be present for everyone around us. We see people everyday and we aren’t always in tune with them. It is a skill I’m working on . . .paying more attention to others. It is all I can do to provide a bit of relief to someone struggling.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reaching back. I write to allow others to speak their truth. I am forgiven and there for I feel free to share. It’s how I can point to the love of a GOD I don’t understand….grace like that…I am really glad to hear from you…God Bless you

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