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You left

Today is a reminder. A place of cold in winter.

You, my brother

Have left.

I looked for you for years before it happened.

You left me before you left us.

It was a wandering roadmap of pain. The bottle, the cigarettes, the drugs, the pain. I saw you on the cutting board of life’s shame and blame.

I remember you as my best friend, before the damage done

I remember you as a boy, your suffering had just begun.

I danced for you in hospital rooms of saving grace and sang silly songs to light up your face.

You and I in a desert place under the hot noon sun

We lay beside hope and we struggled to swim in currents of pain that took us under and threw us in,

I was a hand for you and you carried me too and we tried

Oh we tried so hard to live.

Today is your birthday once again

I am marked with it, you are timeless and weightless and gone.

Some place beautiful, some place free.

You are gone

except in my heart

I see you

my brother

Miss your laughter, miss your voice.

You left me

No choice but to say a prayer and ask God to tell you

You were loved

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