Today is a reminder. A place of cold in winter.
You, my brother
I looked for you for years before it happened.
You left me before you left us.
It was a wandering roadmap of pain. The bottle, the cigarettes, the drugs, the pain. I saw you on the cutting board of life’s shame and blame.
I remember you as my best friend, before the damage done
I remember you as a boy, your suffering had just begun.
I danced for you in hospital rooms of saving grace and sang silly songs to light up your face.
You and I in a desert place under the hot noon sun
We lay beside hope and we struggled to swim in currents of pain that took us under and threw us in,
I was a hand for you and you carried me too and we tried
Oh we tried so hard to live.
Today is your birthday once again
I am marked with it, you are timeless and weightless and gone.
Some place beautiful, some place free.
You are gone
except in my heart
I see you
Miss your laughter, miss your voice.
You left me
No choice but to say a prayer and ask God to tell you
You were loved